gloriousrandomness

Thursday, November 15, 2007

did you notice when the clock stopped running?

so, i've been slacking on my page quite a bit. it's not because there's nothing to say...it's because there is everything to say and i have no idea where to start.

i'm having a baby tomorrow morning. while i'm extremely ready for her to be here, i'm not sure i'm prepared to be a mama. i mean, i still feel like a kid. i was just getting used to the wife thing when we found out about eva kate. and while we couldn't be happier, we just didn't have the whole parent thing mapped out yet.

i hope that we give her what she needs...and i hope that we know what she needs. i hope that we're responsible enough to actually take care of a tiny human. i hope that we have enough sense not to run out of diapers. i hope we can wade through the huge amounts of advice we've been given and pick out what will really work. i hope that she's happy and that she feels loved 100% of the time. i hope that she will be weird like her parents...otherwise we won't have much to talk about when she gets older. but most of all, i hope she loves us as much as we love her.

there are a lot of things i'm worried about. i'm worried if we can afford her. i'm worried if we'll know what to do with her. i'm worried that i won't know what her cries mean. i'm worried that i won't know what to do or say when she comes to me with the difficult questions. i'm worried that the surgery goes well. i'm worried that she'll have trouble with her blood sugar. i'm worried that...well, i'm just worried. but, i am not worried about her father. he is going to be, actually he already is, the best daddy i could've ever imagined for my little girl. he loves her so much already...it's all over his face. it's in his voice. sometimes he just looks at my belly and smiles so big. he's the wise one. he's the leader of our family. i know he will be able to give her everything she needs. i just hope i can teach her how to cook. i think he's pretty much got everything else covered.

so, tomorrow is the big day. at 7 am, we will get to meet this tiny little person that we've been talking to and dreaming of for so long. we'll get to hold her and kiss her and just stare at her. our new family will be even newer when she gets here. it blows my mind just to think about it. i love her so much already...i can't imagine the feeling when i'll finally get to hold her in my arms.

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