there's someone in my head but it's not me.

so it’s been a weird week. just when i thought everything was going good in my life, it all suddenly feels like the walls are closing in on me and it’s getting harder and harder to breathe every single minute. why is that?

could it be that i let it get past the point of repair when i first noticed the signs that something was wrong? or could it just be that i’m weak enough to believe everything the lunatic in my head is telling me? maybe it’s both.

i shouldn’t feel this way. i have 2 degrees and i have no clue what i want to do with my life. i am a train wreck of a girl. sometimes i wonder if i’ll be this way forever or if one day, i’ll suddenly be ok.

why does it seem impossible for me to just be content? why can’t i be happy with where i am now? why do i feel like there is something i’m missing out on? when will it ever just be ok?

i want to just give this all to God and stop worrying about it. i know there are people out there with much greater problems than mine. but…why is it so hard for me to let go? why do i feel the need to agonize over every single little detail of my life? i don’t have a problem with asking Him to take care of it…i just have a problem with loosening my grip. i think it all comes down to control. i want to control things that i have no control over and it kills me. it freakin kills me.

i’m hoping after reading this pitiful excuse of a blog, it will make me realize how pathetic i am and hopefully then i will stop feeling sorry for myself and make some changes. i guess we’ll all just have to wait and see.

and charles, i have to apologize…there is no humor or insight here…i should’ve warned you beforehand. sorry bout that.