sometimes i run, but i'm not afraid.

how do you say something out loud that you’re afraid to even think of silently? how do you vocalize something that could potentially be detrimental to everything that you know? and how do you respond to the reactions of what you’ve just said?

why is it that we’re so afraid to just say what’s really on our minds? what are we so afraid of? i like to think that i’m afraid of how other people will respond. what will people think if i say this? or what will they say if i do that? but, i think what it really boils down to is, i’m afraid of myself. i’m afraid of what i think and say and feel. because i don’t know if i trust myself anymore. trusting my thoughts and feelings…my heart…before, hasn’t gotten me anywhere other than hurt.

so, i guess i’m not brave enough. i’m a coward. maybe that’s why i’ve become so quiet lately. maybe this is my way of dealing with my cowardice. this is my way of ignoring the advice i give to other people and sticking my head under the covers…hoping that the world will just go away.