take myself and i will be ever, only, all for Thee.

loss seems to be a recurring theme in my life these days. maybe not loss that happens directly to me, but indirectly. and it hurts me to see people that i love hurting. and it hurts me to know that i don’t know how to comfort them. it also hurts me to think that all the while they are suffering, i am still worried about minuscule problems in my life.

i hate that i am so selfish. i hate that i am worried about my work and my truck note and my apartment rent and my doctor bills and my clothes and my hair and my radio and my dirty room and if he’s ever going to notice me and my this and my that and blah blah blah. those things don’t really matter. i know God’s going to take care of me. He always has.

i need to love people more. i need to help them more. i need to listen to God more. i always ask Him for answers, but then i don’t shut up whining long enough to listen. i need to spend more time with Him and less time wasting time. i can’t be the woman He wants me to be and needs me to be if i don’t spend time with Him. and i can’t expect things from Him and not give Him anything in return. i don’t think it works that way.

so, that’s it. i want more. and i know what i have to do in order to get it. i have to give more. And i’m sorry that i haven’t been giving enough. i was blessed with a servant’s heart and i haven’t been blessing Him back by using it nearly enough. so, Father, forgive me for ignoring Your blessings and for ignoring Your voice. i pray that it never happens again. i love You.