when the lights burned out, then you pulled me out of the dark.
as of late, i’ve been accused of ‘disappointing the blogsphere’ because i don’t update as much as i used to. i guess it’s partially because i’ve been busier than usual, and it’s partially because i haven’t had anything to say. well, okay…i take that back. i’ve had stuff to say. and i’ve typed posts. but usually my posts start out okay and then end up way too personal to post for the entire world to see…so i delete them. so, i guess i have been writing…i’ve just been keeping it to myself because i don’t think you’re ready to see it just yet. today i came across something that i wrote a while back…it must’ve been at least 3 years ago ~ maybe even 4. it’s something i should’ve written in my journal, but i didn’t. i don’t know if i just didn’t have it with me at the time or what, but for some reason…it never made it there. so, i ran across it today and was like wow…i barely remember writing that. i figured i’d post it here…exactly as it was written…to share something personal. i guess in a way, i feel the need to make up for being a disappointment.
today was weird…or maybe i’m just delirious – i don’t know. i have had such an awesome week. it was so great to go to church every night and worship God with other people who love Him just as much as i do. it is just amazing to get so into worshipping God that you forget where you are and who is standing beside you and just get transported away, like the song says, to a secret place that only you and God know about.
my main prayer this week has been for my life to become a worship song for Him. that’s what it should be and it’s not. God has really taught me a lot this week. He has reminded me that i was put here for a reason – and that reason is to reach people for Him. as a Christian, this should be my first priority, but it hasn’t been. i’ve really been slacking in this area. another thing He has brought to my attention is that whatever i do – it should be to His glory – AND NOT MINE. sometimes it’s hard to remember that. i’m just so happy that God has been so awesome and so prevalent in my life this week.
last night at j’s house, we were talking to the girls about dating, love, and sex. we were going around the room naming off our #1 standard in looking for a guy…the one quality that they absolutely must possess. i didn’t really give it much thought because i figured i’d probably say the same things the other girls were saying – nice, respectful, funny, etc. however, when it was my turn, i said that he absolutely must have an overwhelming and obvious passion for God. i didn’t even think about it…it just came out of my mouth. after i said it, i thought…’whoa’. THAT’S why i’m so picky. people ask why i can’t find a man and now i know. none of the guys that are interested in me possess an overwhelming passion for God. which leads me to believe that i’m looking in the wrong places – or maybe i should just stop looking altogether. anyway, i have been thinking about this all day and i know that if i pray for him faithfully, God will send him to me when the time is right.
so, i was in a pretty cool mood when i got to church tonight. but when worship started, something didn’t feel right. i wanted to worship God with all of my heart, but something just felt a little off. then, i remembered that my Bible was open to a certain page when i came over from the fellowship hall before church started. i said – well, that’s weird – and c laughed and said – maybe God wants you to read that page. i said – yeah…maybe so and thought to myself maybe i had a bookmark there or something and that’s why it opened up to that page. the passage was Psalm 77 and God did want me to read it. it reminded me that not so long ago, i felt a extremely overwhelmed by life and was very bitter and depressed. then, i came across this scripture and it really impacted my life. the psalmist is crying out to God begging Him to hear his prayers. he can’t understand why God doesn’t hear him…he feels as if he’s been forgotten. sometimes i think we all feel the same way. we tend to forget that God is always listening…he always hears our prayers. and he always answers…sometimes we just get an answer that we don’t like. but the thing i like the most is that during the course of this prayer, he looks to the past as reassurance of hope for the future. i see myself reflected in this prayer. i’ve had prayers that resemble this prayer. and even though i don’t like being down and broken and crying out for help and feeling alone and forgotten, i am so glad that i’m quickly reminded that i’m actually not any of those things. and i’m not the only one that’s ever felt that way. and i will have hope because those before me had hope.
i’ve posted 2 days in a row…let’s not get too used to this…
today was weird…or maybe i’m just delirious – i don’t know. i have had such an awesome week. it was so great to go to church every night and worship God with other people who love Him just as much as i do. it is just amazing to get so into worshipping God that you forget where you are and who is standing beside you and just get transported away, like the song says, to a secret place that only you and God know about.
my main prayer this week has been for my life to become a worship song for Him. that’s what it should be and it’s not. God has really taught me a lot this week. He has reminded me that i was put here for a reason – and that reason is to reach people for Him. as a Christian, this should be my first priority, but it hasn’t been. i’ve really been slacking in this area. another thing He has brought to my attention is that whatever i do – it should be to His glory – AND NOT MINE. sometimes it’s hard to remember that. i’m just so happy that God has been so awesome and so prevalent in my life this week.
last night at j’s house, we were talking to the girls about dating, love, and sex. we were going around the room naming off our #1 standard in looking for a guy…the one quality that they absolutely must possess. i didn’t really give it much thought because i figured i’d probably say the same things the other girls were saying – nice, respectful, funny, etc. however, when it was my turn, i said that he absolutely must have an overwhelming and obvious passion for God. i didn’t even think about it…it just came out of my mouth. after i said it, i thought…’whoa’. THAT’S why i’m so picky. people ask why i can’t find a man and now i know. none of the guys that are interested in me possess an overwhelming passion for God. which leads me to believe that i’m looking in the wrong places – or maybe i should just stop looking altogether. anyway, i have been thinking about this all day and i know that if i pray for him faithfully, God will send him to me when the time is right.
so, i was in a pretty cool mood when i got to church tonight. but when worship started, something didn’t feel right. i wanted to worship God with all of my heart, but something just felt a little off. then, i remembered that my Bible was open to a certain page when i came over from the fellowship hall before church started. i said – well, that’s weird – and c laughed and said – maybe God wants you to read that page. i said – yeah…maybe so and thought to myself maybe i had a bookmark there or something and that’s why it opened up to that page. the passage was Psalm 77 and God did want me to read it. it reminded me that not so long ago, i felt a extremely overwhelmed by life and was very bitter and depressed. then, i came across this scripture and it really impacted my life. the psalmist is crying out to God begging Him to hear his prayers. he can’t understand why God doesn’t hear him…he feels as if he’s been forgotten. sometimes i think we all feel the same way. we tend to forget that God is always listening…he always hears our prayers. and he always answers…sometimes we just get an answer that we don’t like. but the thing i like the most is that during the course of this prayer, he looks to the past as reassurance of hope for the future. i see myself reflected in this prayer. i’ve had prayers that resemble this prayer. and even though i don’t like being down and broken and crying out for help and feeling alone and forgotten, i am so glad that i’m quickly reminded that i’m actually not any of those things. and i’m not the only one that’s ever felt that way. and i will have hope because those before me had hope.
i’ve posted 2 days in a row…let’s not get too used to this…
posted by agirlnamedbob. @ 10:43 PM
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