what you feel is what you are.

so, i'm reading this book. i've actually had it for a long time and never picked it up. the book doesn't even belong to me. it's a book that c bought for j before they got engaged. he thought it would help her in some way. i laughed when she told me he got her a book...she has an attention span of like, zero. but, she read it...and she loved it. she gave it to me to read...and it's been sitting on my nightstand ever since. actually, it's been holding up my lamp. like i said...he got it for her before they were engaged...and they've been married since september.

anyway, i guess that's all irrelevant. the point is, i should've read it sooner. from the moment i started reading this book, i was blown away by how much the author's thoughts and feelings echoed mine. the more i read made me realize that i'm totally not alone. and it's not a bad thing for me to feel the way i feel. i'm not the only girl that's ever wondered if anyone besides my parents think i'm beautiful. i'm not the only girl in the world that's ever wanted more. women were created to desire intimate, intricate relationships. we were made to be part of one...and until we find that perfect partner, i think we will always long for what we don't have. but, what i've always had a difficult time grasping...and this book is helping me tremendously to do...is realize that i need that same kind of relationship with God. the same kind of intimacy that i desire here on earth should first be established with Him. i should be closer to Him than anyone. i don't have to wonder if i'm beautiful because He's already told me that i am. He loves me for me...every single thing about me. He loves my crooked smile and unruly hair. He loves my curvy pinky finger and ugly feet. He thinks i'm beautiful regardless of what anyone else thinks or says about me. He thinks i'm beautiful physically and emotionally. i have to believe that and take joy in it.

and once i do, i've got no reason to ever be down again. i should never feel alone again. i'm not perfect...i know that. and i know i won't always have good days. and i also know it's not likely that my prince will knock on my door tomorrow and carry me off into the sunset. but ya know, the more i think about it...the less important that seems to be now. if i know i'm loved and beautiful in God's eyes, then that's all i really need...anything else is just an added bonus.

girls ~ go get this book. guys ~ if you want some insight into women...get the book, too.


currently reading: Do You Think I'm Beautiful? ~ The Question Every Woman Asks...by Angela Thomas