how to get a man 101

“would you call a boy?” she asked.

“probably not,” i defeatingly replied.

“real women don’t like that honey,” she told him as she shook her head and glared disapprovingly.

“come over here and sit by me and i’ll tell you everything you need to know,” she tells me or anyone else that would take her up on the offer.

we all just sat there laughing…but for all practical purposes, we might as well have been catatonic.

“i just don’t know about you kids these days,” she says.

so, some friends and i got a lesson tonight in how to get a significant other. or at least i think we did. we got a lesson in something. about something. and i think it had to do with significant others. but i’m not really sure it was explanatory.

at any rate, i learned that i am not aggressive enough…and that men like that. i also learned that if it takes being aggressive in order to get a man, then i will probably never get one because i was always taught that ‘girls shouldn’t chase guys’ and it’s the ‘guys place to ask the girl out’ and blah blah blah…so it’s hard to unlearn 25 years of life’s lessons.

and i also learned that since i ‘turned out to be a dude’ that i’m destined to never be that girl that makes guys all flutterpated and turn into baby-talking piles of mush. and i guess i’m okay with that…as long as they let me play with their he-man toys.