but all the promises we make, from the cradle to the grave...
so, since i’ve effectively established and come to grips with the fact that i’m a chicken, i guess this is as good of a place as any to do this. you see, when i write here…i pretend that no one reads this. that way, i can write anything i want….well, almost anything. because, then i remember that there’s a chance that someone will read this and i don’t want to write anything that could incriminate me later. haha. so, with that being said, here’s a letter to you mister somewhereoutthere. i wish you knew how much i want to tell you this out loud.
did you know that boys can be beautiful, too? well, they can. and you are. as a matter of fact, you’re the most beautiful one i’ve ever known. even more beautiful than dave. yes, i said more beautiful than dave. see, i don’t really know dave…so my obsession with him is completely superficial. but you’re beautiful on the inside AND on the outside.
and the list? THE list? you pretty much are the list. i could rip up the list and replace it with a miniature version of you and it would serve the same purpose. except you probably wouldn’t like being squished in between those pages all of the time like my other list is. you are every single thing that i have been praying for my whole life.
and i didn’t want it to be you. when i realized it was, i was really upset. i thought you would be mad at me and you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. i was mad at myself for feeling the way i did and i was mad at God because i felt like He was playing a cruel joke on me. i felt like i was breaking the rules and you would hate me or something. but then i finally realized that your heart never, ever, ever contacts your head before it does what it wants to do. and i realized that nothing in life would be worth anything if it was all based on logic and planning. so, i threw my hands up and told God i’d listen to Him instead of fight Him about it.
but, i also told Him that if this was the way it was supposed to be…that He was going to have to tell you, too. so i would know that i wasn’t crazy. and this is where i am. i can’t tell you these things unless i know that He’s told you the same things that He’s told me. because if He hasn’t spoken to you like He has to me, then it’s not right and it’s not time. and this is where i am…and this is why i can’t tell you. because i don’t know what kind of conversations you and God have had about me or if ya’ll have even had any at all. and until i know that, then i guess these feelings will remain in my heart…waiting for the right time…and hoping that time comes soon.
i have so many things i want to tell you and nothing sounds right on this stupid blog. i’m mostly just writing it because it’s getting really lonely having this conversation over & over in my head. i just start rambling and, well, you know how i do. i guess the main thing i’m trying to say is…you’re perfect and you don’t see it and that’s what makes you beautiful.
i just wanted you to know.
did you know that boys can be beautiful, too? well, they can. and you are. as a matter of fact, you’re the most beautiful one i’ve ever known. even more beautiful than dave. yes, i said more beautiful than dave. see, i don’t really know dave…so my obsession with him is completely superficial. but you’re beautiful on the inside AND on the outside.
and the list? THE list? you pretty much are the list. i could rip up the list and replace it with a miniature version of you and it would serve the same purpose. except you probably wouldn’t like being squished in between those pages all of the time like my other list is. you are every single thing that i have been praying for my whole life.
and i didn’t want it to be you. when i realized it was, i was really upset. i thought you would be mad at me and you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore. i was mad at myself for feeling the way i did and i was mad at God because i felt like He was playing a cruel joke on me. i felt like i was breaking the rules and you would hate me or something. but then i finally realized that your heart never, ever, ever contacts your head before it does what it wants to do. and i realized that nothing in life would be worth anything if it was all based on logic and planning. so, i threw my hands up and told God i’d listen to Him instead of fight Him about it.
but, i also told Him that if this was the way it was supposed to be…that He was going to have to tell you, too. so i would know that i wasn’t crazy. and this is where i am. i can’t tell you these things unless i know that He’s told you the same things that He’s told me. because if He hasn’t spoken to you like He has to me, then it’s not right and it’s not time. and this is where i am…and this is why i can’t tell you. because i don’t know what kind of conversations you and God have had about me or if ya’ll have even had any at all. and until i know that, then i guess these feelings will remain in my heart…waiting for the right time…and hoping that time comes soon.
i have so many things i want to tell you and nothing sounds right on this stupid blog. i’m mostly just writing it because it’s getting really lonely having this conversation over & over in my head. i just start rambling and, well, you know how i do. i guess the main thing i’m trying to say is…you’re perfect and you don’t see it and that’s what makes you beautiful.
i just wanted you to know.
posted by agirlnamedbob. @ 11:15 PM
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