cause i've got nothing of my own to give to you, but this light that shines on me...shines on you and makes everything beautiful, again.

so here lately i've been thinking a lot about worship. i've read some things other people have written (although i'll admit i haven't read nearly enough), and i've talked to people. i've also observed various forms of worship. and here's the deal: i think that people today (and by people i'm including the church as a whole sometimes) have a skewed idea as to what worship is even about or what it should be.

it isn't about those 20 minutes or so that are "penciled in" for worship on sunday morning. and it isn't about what songs are designated as "worship songs". it's about the state of our hearts and our minds. it's where we are as a people...individually and as a body of believers on an everday basis. whether we worship flat on our faces in tears, on our tiptoes with outstretched arms, or sitting quietly with eyes closed and smiling faces...it's the state of our hearts and minds that is ultimately important...not our body positions...and somehow that has become important to people in "modern day worship".

some churches don't believe you are actively worshipping unless you have hands outstretched at all times...and some churches think that's all for show. i think if you have to think about it at all...it's pointless. my boyfriend's band plays at a lot of churches, so i get to see a lot of different churches views on things. i actually witnessed a youth minister interrupt a reverent altar call a few weeks ago. he got up and grabbed a mic and said something to the effect of...'i only see a few people up here at this altar praying. now i know i see a few of you praying where you are. but some of you are sitting in the same spot you were in when you got here. now i'm not saying you're a bad christian if you're not up here praying, but i'm just saying that you need to think about what true worship really means.' of course, the pews emptied out and kids were crying...you know the deal. well, i felt bad for feeling this way...but i couldn't help but feel like he guilted those kids into that. and maybe they were all for real...but i couldn't help but think that some of them were only doing it to make him feel good about himself. you know...'i had my whole youth group at the altar last night so now i can brag on sunday morning.' well, i'm 26 years old and i know i'm supposed to set an example, but i couldn't help but feel anything other than disgust at that moment as i sat down on the pew in disbelief. i squinted my eyes up and just sat down and fumed for a few minutes. then i decided that wasn't the best way to deal with it, so i prayed for that guy. then i prayed really hard for the kids in his youth group. then i prayed for the woman he just got engaged to.

all of this to say...i don't think God is probably pleased with the way any of us worship these days. because we all have something on our minds other than Him at some point. i think we've made it about something other than Him. and i like the fact that there are people out there who are trying to get back to it being just about Him...it just seems like there aren't nearly enough of them out there. but, i think that as long as each individual worships from their heart and not according to what they see their neighbor doing or what their congregation feels is 'appropriate' for the 'chosen worship hymn', God will reward them. He is pleased when we honor Him. and we should honor Him with everything we do. worship is about so much more than songs. i think it's important that we all remember that...because somewhere along the way, it seems to get fuzzy sometimes.

and i know it's hard to praise Him in everything...even through rough and trying times. there are so many people hurting right now. how do you tell a mother and father whose baby has cancer that they should constantly praise Him? i can't imagine how hard that must be for them. yet, you should rejoice in all things. how unfair is it for the teenager whose mother has been sick her entire life and now recently passed away at such an early age...how fair is it to tell her it's more important to praise Him now than ever? how can she possibly understand? He deserves our praise no matter what life hands us.

He is the only thing that can bring us through the storm. He is the constant comforter and we should live our lives in a constant state of worship...not just for the 15-20 minutes set aside for it on a church program.

you come over unannounced...

so, wow. it's been a while. see, i really was going to update sooner. i just got...busy. and every day i would think...i really need to update. and then i would find something else to do. but, you know...it's summer. i guess i needed a vacation from everything...including the blog.

in the meantime, i've had a birthday (happy 26th to me!)...i've spent 5 days on lake hamilton with my family (parents, brother, step-brothers & their wives & children) in arkansas and had a really nice time...i got to hang out with my old roommate and go on a rather expensive shopping trip and have a really fun girls night...almost drove towards a hurricane in alabama with matt and the boys until their concert got cancelled at the last minute and we didn't go...i've been catching up on old episodes of dawson's creek and reminding myself why i liked that show so much...i've been re-reading the chronicles of narnia and wondering how i ever understood some of those words as a child...i've gone to a LOT of movies this summer and enjoyed all but one...i added another burn scar to my collection...i broke out the nintendo 64 and brushed up on the wcw vs nwo wrestling skills, and i'm still working on the mariocart...oh yeah, and i got an email from david crowder...

...and matt and i are about to hit the 6 month mark. i can't even believe it's been 6 months. it seems like just yesterday i was running away from him on his front steps like a blubbering 3 year old when i was scared he was about to bring up "us". haha. that whole week was so weird now that i look back on it. so very funny. we were both so scared and shy and nervous around each other. so sweet. it's so perfect the way things worked out. i'm so thankful for him. there's no way that words can describe the way i feel right now.

...but enough of that mushy stuff. haha. i'm excited because karla is moving back home. i hope we get to hang out when she gets settled in. i'll be glad to get her back here and have her around again. it's been a while. so, i guess i've rambled enough for the night...i should get to sleep.