how the time is never now…and we know who we should love, but we’re never certain how…

so, here’s the quote i got from a friend this week: “all women (in a man's eyes) can basically be broken down into two categories: women that you date and women that you marry.” now, even though this is just an observation he has made and not something that he lives by…i still have a problem with this statement. therefore, i decided to share my theory on this ‘rule’ with him…and now i’m posting it on here…for you.

so guys want to date type A girls. and everyone knows it...including the type B girls. type A girls are dateable...type B girls are marriage material. what makes the type A girls dateable? um...usually they are prettier, skinnier, and probably more likely to provide the instant gratification aspect of life that everyone has become to accustomed to these days...so what if she can't make a complete sentence. at least she looks good right?

so take your average type B girl. she tries to do everything right...the things she's supposed to do in order to be a good person and to become the woman that some man will want to marry one day. (which will greatly benefit her someday) but those things just don't seem to be working out for her because...she is still boyfriendless. (today. ~ here's that instant gratification thing, again) so, what does she do? she takes a look at type A girl. type A girl is doing all of the 'wrong' things and still gets the guy. so guess what? type B girl eventually turns into type A girl. and yeah...she gets dates, but guess what? when all of the other type B girls catch on...type B population is dramatically reduced.

this seems good for the aforementioned guy at first because the dating pool has increased...but what he doesn't realize is that the marriage pool has decreased. and when it comes time to settle down and get married, there won't be any type B 'girls i want to marry' left and he will have to settle for type A 'girl i would love to date but never consider marrying'. the marriage will end up being miserable and probably riddled with adultery and eventually end in either divorce or murder. haha...maybe that's a little harsh, but they will be miserable because they will be with someone they never intended to be with. therefore, by screwing over type B girls now, guys are actually screwing themselves over in the long run.

so, what's the moral of this story boys and girls? you should never date anyone that you wouldn't consider marrying. which is why the 'there are 2 types of girls' rule is so utterly ridiculous. why waste time with someone that you know you don't want to be with? because you know there's a chance you might get a little ‘extra’ out of the deal with type A girl and not type B? and you don't want to marry some girl that's been all around the block?...even though you didn't have a problem dating her? none of this makes sense. if you like type A...then date type A...and marry type A. if you like type B, then date type B...and marry type B. don't ruin all of the 'good girls' by forcing them to become what they hate only to be thrown away in the end for the few that didn't sell out. that sucks.

now, i never said the theory wasn't crazy. and i guess i should've elaborated a little more on the B girl crossing over to the A side. maybe she doesn't completely cross over. maybe she just develops a serious complex about why no one wants her and doesn't actually become an A girl...just totally gets her view of herself and life and love and relationships and the way things are supposed to be totally jacked up...for no good reason. when it could all be avoided.

and girls have the same urges to have crazy wild sex with random hot men that they meet, too. the thing is...it's immoral. and just because you see someone that you'd like to be with, doesn't make it okay for you to do it. and the fact that guys do it all the time and then show up one day with a virgin bride makes me want to puke. because not only are they ruining the lives of the girls they are using up and throwing away...they aren't being fair to the girls they are marrying, either. and no...it's no better for guys to do it than it is for girls, but society says that it is. it's cute. and they'll do it and then afterwards, he can't stand to look at her because he thinks she's a whore. i mean...you even see it in the movies. and people freakin laugh at it....because it's cute. aww...look at him. he's sleeping around again.

makes. me. sick.

and i'm still single. haha.

and i’m beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head…

so, yeah. i’ve been thinking about a whole heck of a lot here lately. and one of the main things i’ve figured out is…i’m not perfect. and i’m never going to be. i’m not perfect by most people’s standards. whatever those are. and do you know that actually bothered me for a while? until i realized this…i will never be ‘mainstream’ or ‘normal’ or whatever. and i never want to be. i have always been and will always be a little ‘out there’. i will always color outside of the lines. i will always see things differently than everyone else. and i’m perfectly okay with that. i will always like ‘weird’ books, music, movies, pictures, clothes, etc. and i’m glad when i find things that i like and other people don’t. because i guess on some level…i enjoy being different. but i also enjoy those things because occasionally i meet people that i can share them with…people that ‘get’ the same things i do…people that don’t roll their eyes and tell me how weird i am. and it makes me smile to know that there are other people like me in the world. and i know all hope is not lost. and because i know that i’m not perfect to the world’s ‘normal’ (boring) people, i know i won’t be stuck with someone like that for the rest of my life. i know that i am perfect for someone. i am perfect for someone that is perfect for me. someone with the same qualities and idiosyncrasies as me. someone that will walk through the rain with me on a whim and just enjoy the company without asking why. someone that will accept me…quirks and all…and just love me for who i am and let me love them back.

we all have things that make us who we are. little bits and pieces of our everyday lives…behaviors…mannerisms…they make up our personality. and even the ‘weird’ stuff or the ‘bad’ stuff…it makes us who we are. and the people that love us, love us for it. they don’t try to change us. and we shouldn’t try to change for other people just to try to feel somewhat ‘normal’. no one is really normal. and normal is boring. sometimes you have to look a little deeper than what you see on the surface. because you just might be surprised at what you uncover if you really look…

sometimes i run, but i'm not afraid.

how do you say something out loud that you’re afraid to even think of silently? how do you vocalize something that could potentially be detrimental to everything that you know? and how do you respond to the reactions of what you’ve just said?

why is it that we’re so afraid to just say what’s really on our minds? what are we so afraid of? i like to think that i’m afraid of how other people will respond. what will people think if i say this? or what will they say if i do that? but, i think what it really boils down to is, i’m afraid of myself. i’m afraid of what i think and say and feel. because i don’t know if i trust myself anymore. trusting my thoughts and feelings…my heart…before, hasn’t gotten me anywhere other than hurt.

so, i guess i’m not brave enough. i’m a coward. maybe that’s why i’ve become so quiet lately. maybe this is my way of dealing with my cowardice. this is my way of ignoring the advice i give to other people and sticking my head under the covers…hoping that the world will just go away.

how we waste our precious time...marching in the picket lines that surround those striking hearts.

some random things that guys and girls should never discuss....

• directions
• elevators
• anything pertaining to directions or elevators
• placement of christmas lights (indoor or outdoor)
• the reasoning behind any action/thought that members of the opposite sex do and/or have
• cooking
• directions
• elevators
• color coordination
• ironing
• washing
• directions
• elevators
• misplaced staple guns
• broken body parts due to misplaced staple guns
• the reasoning behind the other person not understanding what you are trying to say to them. don't ask questions. just nod and smile. and shut up.
• directions
• elevators
• vehicle maintenance
• relationships
• decision making
• directions
• elevators...

and to think...i learned all of that in just one short week. i can't wait to see what i'll find out next week!

everybody wants to be your friend when you've got something you can give them.

scott peterson was sentenced to death. and america watched from their living rooms...listened from their radios...read from their newspapers and magazines and internet chatrooms....and people cheered. did you get that? people cheered. people. human beings celebrated the fact that another human will die. true...he did apparently kill his wife and unborn child and that is a heinous crime. but 1) who are we to judge and 2) we should let justice be served within the judicial system as it has to be here on earth and let God do His deal in Heaven. why do we feel the need to cast judgment and condemnation on the man from our living rooms and water coolers at work? by doing that...we're no better than he is. a sin is a sin....be it premeditated double murder of a beautiful woman that you supposedly love and your unborn child....or casting judgments on your neighbors with hatred in your heart. God calls us to love everyone...He doesn't say...love everyone that is good in your eyes. He says love everyone. period. that means even the murders, rapists, child molesters, and thieves. and as difficult as that is to swallow...we have to do that...because He does that and our ultimate goal is to become like Him. in 1 peter 4:8, He says..."above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." that's one of my very favorite verses because it reminds me of how He sacrificed for us because of His love and how His love ultimately is what covered our sins...and we should live with a loving spirit and heart like Him so that our lives will follow that verse as well. because i truly believe that love can cover over any wrong. why? because GOD SAID SO. so as hard as it is to do sometimes, we have to love people that we sometimes find less than desirable. pray for them. pray that they will see God's love in us. and that they will be changed by it. that is the ultimate goal. i believe that if celebration over a death sentence takes the place of love for our neighbors, God's gonna have a lot of questions one day. i'm already gonna have a lot of things to answer for...i'd like to leave that one off the list.

my name is jonas. i'm carrying the wheel. thanks for all you've shown us. this is how we feel.

have i ever mentioned that i have the best friends in the whole history of the entire world? cause i do. the very best. they do stuff for me and are there for me and i just love them so very much.

they don't even gripe about most things i ask them to do. not even when i ask them to help me hang 750 or so lights from my itty bitty apartment patio. they might question my sanity a few times, but they still will do what i ask...

it is so bright out there...it looks like daytime. and i must say....it looks fabulous.

thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou...and thankyou.

let the other neighbors in the decorating contest bring it on. i grew up with the griswalds.

and every bite i gave you left a mark…OR…some words when spoken ~ can’t be taken back.

why do we do it? why do we open our mouths when we know we should keep them shut? why do we just go on and on with our mouth when our brain is telling us to shut up? we know when to say things and when to remain silent, yet sometimes we just can’t help it…we continue to make a jackass of ourselves. occasionally we will even do it in front of an audience…and then later wonder why someone didn’t just tackle us to get us to stop talking. at least…that’s how i feel sometimes when i get on a good roll.

we tend to take things out on our friends and family because we know they will still be there for us and still love us, in spite of what we say and do. and even though that’s true, the ones we love the most are the ones we end up hurting the deepest. i hate that about myself. it shouldn’t be that way. we should lift each other up…not tear each other down.

and it’s not their fault that you might have some things on your mind…or be a little more on edge than usual. it’s not their fault that something they say could strike you the wrong way and then your response catch them totally off-guard…but it is your fault when your response hurts their feelings. it is your fault when you look directly into their eyes and say mean and hurtful things to and about them and show no remorse for the hateful things that are spewing out of your mouth as your friends stand around in shocked silence.

you know you’re wrong, yet you do it any way.

i’m generally not a mean-spirited or hateful person, but i said some hurtful things last night. and i know i can’t take those words back…or the manner in which they were said. but, this is my public apology. you didn’t deserve that, and i truly am sorry…straight from my heart, i am.

we've been spotted and are being pulled in by her tractor beam

it took me a while to notice today. i thought i’d lost it. i thought it was completely gone forever. i mean, i usually get at least a couple a day…sometimes more. and every time i frown and make some noise that resembles utter disgust. but then, i noticed it wasn’t happening…and all of a sudden i wanted to know what was wrong with me. was i not good enough anymore? what was the deal? i was seriously on my way to giving myself a complex. i mean….how could i get whatever that appeal was back? would it ever come back? and the even greater question…why did i want it back?

so, there i sat…in silence…consoling myself over the loss of the last sure self-esteem booster i had (however sad it may be)…

and then i passed him…the glorious trucker who honked the horn and waved…and all was right in the world again.

*sigh*

it’s sad, i know…but it’s all i’ve got.

for now.

oh, protect our secret handshake...once more, with feeling...before we say goodnight.

those moments are so rare. they are so rare and so precious, yet we want to tell someone about them. when you share some special moment or thing with someone else…it’s special because it’s between you and someone else. yet, there is an overwhelming urge to tell someone about it…why is that? is it because it makes it become real by talking about it? is it because those precious moments seem like a dream until you are able to vocalize them to someone? intimate jokes…private moments…shared secrets…those are things that aren’t meant for other people, yet we’re somehow compelled to share them. in some cases, it’s the only connection you have…and you want to blab it to the world. i just don’t get it…it’s wild.

so, what if you catch me...where would we land?

sometimes i think we are just a little too worried about what other people think…don’t you? i know we say that we don’t care what other people think and we are ‘individuals’ and blah blah blah, but i mean, seriously…have you ever wondered what it would be like if we really just didn’t care? why do i worry what people will think if i date him…who cares as long as its okay with me, my family, and God? it doesn’t frickin matter. it shouldn’t anyway. why do i worry what people will say if i wear certain clothes or fix my hair a certain way? why do i worry what someone might think if i say a certain thing? it doesn’t matter if that’s what i’m thinking and feeling, right? but i still remain silent…

what would happen if we did what we really wanted? if we said and did what we really felt? if we let go of our inhibitions and just became….us.

what would happen? i’ll tell you. we would be a lot happier and the people around us probably wouldn’t really care. the people that we worry so much about what they would think…probably wouldn’t even freaking notice. they either wouldn’t notice…or they would be busy enjoying their newfound freedom because they no longer have to worry about other people’s opinions either.

sometimes i wonder if it will ever be possible...for everyone to live in total honesty with each other…

what would happen?

what's the point in all this screaming? no one's listening anyway.

so i've been 'unusually' quiet for the past several days. big deal. truth be known...i've been unusually quiet for the last couple of weeks. i don't know why it has just suddenly come to everyone's attention. maybe i just have a lot on my mind. maybe i have some stuff i want to talk about. maybe i don't. maybe i have some stuff i need to talk about but don't want to. maybe i don't. maybe i'm just stressed out and i just need to get away and not think so much. maybe that's my problem. why do i have to overanalyze every single little thing? it's going to drive me mad one day. and if it did...would it really even matter? would anyone notice?